Okay, so as time progresses and we all, dare I say it, get older. We tend to realize that of the many ways we can continue to fuck up our lives, relationships seem to be a kicker. So for the next few weeks (or months or years depending on my own work ethic) I’m going to be writing my own little guidebook on how to deal with common everyday relationship issues the shameless way. (Please note that I actually completely suck at relationships, and I do not guarantee that any of my advice is valid, in fact it will probably make things worse and antagonize already fragile situations, but at least it was an entertaining read)
For the first chapter I decided that communication would be my focus. So I devised a list of situations and tell you how I would handle them. Here goes:
1 . You haven’t heard from your partner in a week and have gotten no response to your attempts to contact him or her. The Right thing to do: Patiently await a response, if none is received, send a message of concern and let the person know you are worried, but will take a hint and move on. The Shameless thing to do: “FUCK that jerk I’m getting laid tonight!!!”
2. You and your partner get into an argument and it has come to a standstill with no compromise in sight. The Right thing to do: Wait until you both have calmed down and discuss the issue like adults, even if it means you agree to disagree. The Shameless thing to do: “Dammit, why won’t you just admit you’re wrong and get over it so we can have make-up sex already!!!”
3. You’re having a bad day, you come home and your partner has just made it worse by saying something completely demeaning and belittling. The Right thing to do: Calmly communicate that you’ve had a hard day and inform them of how their behavior has made you feel . The Shameless thing to do: Find something of their’s of value that is kind of heavy and probably breakable and throw it at their head, then curse yourself for missing. (Unless you actually hit them, in which case you will need some trash bags, bleach, and a car with a large trunk)
4. Your partner is upset with you because you have not allowed them to meet your family. The Right thing to do: Tell your partner to be patient with you, and re-enforce that you are not embarrassed by them, but you need time to prepare yourself for that step in your relationship. The Shameless thing to do: “If you’d take a damn bath and get a job, I might consider it!!”
5. Your partner comes to you and tells you something that is bothering them about you, with hopes that you both can talk about it and work it out. The right thing to do: Listen to their complaint, use this discussion to get your complaints on the table and work together to improve. The Shameless thing to do: Tell them that you will never change, and if they don’t like it they can go fuck themselves. Don’t forget to add in everything that is wrong with them that is expected to change or you’ll kick them out on their ass.
That’s all for now, I hope you have enjoyed chapter 1. Fell free to comment with your own Shameless Relationship Advice in the future
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